fear of the unknown

what i fear most is entering a dark room
and not knowing what im walking into
im afraid of shadows and silhouettes
im always afraid of turning on the light in my room
i will only walk into it once the light has been turned on

tonight i turned the light on in my room to get a few library books ive borrowed
to start on an assignment
only to see a woman standing in my room
it took me a complete 2 seconds to register
then i gave out this loud yelp
and jumped in fright
my heart pounded so hard as i tried to hide behind the wall
only to find out it was my dads thing
she was in my room waiting for jenny to fall asleep
and the minute i turned the light on in my room
i dunno why but she was just standing there
and to be honest i thought it was a ghost

im always scared of seeing ghost
and that if i did ive told myself time and time again
that ill try and act normal and pretend i dont see them
because if they dont know that i see them they wont do anything to me
because then i would be harmless to them and they could go on to what ever they were doing in the first place without worrying about who can see them
this logic comes from..
"if your home alone and youre being robbed, pretend to sleep and have no idea of whats going on because if they think youre asleep, you wont get in their way so why would they want to harm you? all they want to do is come and get what they want and leave."

so all in all
i dont ever want to see ghosts! EVER!
im really scared of going to sleep now
sometimes when i crawl into bed
im scared that something will reach out and touch me
like a lil kid in the corner just waiting for me
and my mind comes up with all these images of dead bodies
that i force myself to erase from my mind by thinking of school work
and then in the end i wont be able to go to sleep
because im either too afraid of supernatural things
or thinking about school work and how to manage my time

i can tell you about all the things im afraid of
but thats an extremely long list
and im sure that what im afraid of
most of you would be afraid of too
and the things we do
like tag teaming the lights
(always having a light on so it would never be dark)
eg. going to my room
have johnnys lights on,
turn on rumpus lights,
turn johnnys light off,
turn on hallway lights,
turn off rumpus lights,
turn on lights in my room,
turn off hallway lights,
turn off lights in my room and run underneath the covers

it might sound complicated but its necessary
and thats not really the routine i go through
going to the bathroom to brush my teeth goes in between all that light switching aswell

but yeh, i guess the funniest thing im scared of
is going to the toilet at night when everyone is asleep
and its embarrassing to explain
but i always get this feeling that someones hand is going to reach out from the toilet bowl and grab my arse
and i think this because i think of murdered victims
having their bodies dumped in the sewers
and they come back alive and try and reach for help
even though the only thing they can get there hand on is my arse =(