holidays

ive just handed in my assignment today
and finished my design quiz
i am satisfied with the results so far
two subjects down, two to go!
one more week til the end of semester
i cant wait for the holidays
i hope its going to be a productive one
since ill have all the time in the world to do whatever i want
as long as its not costly

liesel's house is johnny's home

johnny came home on sunday
and he spent the day cleaning the room he sleeps in
because the siblings and i failed to keep it clean to his liking
after this he told tommy he would help him on his assignment
so they went to kmart to buy paper
but when they got home i ended up helping tommy instead
whilst johnny did his assignment!

now look i understand if johnny had an assignment due the next day
but dont say you'll do things when you know you wont!
i hate those kind of people
its like making promises and then just end up breaking them in the end
and in the end i feel disappointed into believing they would keep their word
how foolish we are to have that much hope and let it be crushed

i dont even know why he comes home anymore
he's here one night and gone the next
all he did today was come home from work,
slept, woke up, went through his colour co-ordinated wardrobe
and headed to liesel's again
so practically the only time we spent with him was when he was cleaning the house

i either want him to finally move out
or actually stay home
i always have my dad yapping in my ear saying
"johnny doesnt love us anymore"
"he doesnt care about us"
"he doesnt call us to see how we are"
"im always the one calling him"
"he never returns my call"
"he said he'll be home on sunday and its wednesday now and he hasnt called"
and more blah blah blah

and i try to tell him to not bother with johnny anymore
his moved out
and if ive dealt with it then why cant he?
because even if johnny comes home
his only home because my dad told him to come home
and you can see that he doesnt want to be here anyway
so why make him?
he is better off at liesels house
there is simply no longer a purpose from him to be here

fast track

i wish i could fast track my life into the future
and then go back to the present again and relive it
i just want to know how my life pans out!
i hate living life not knowing whats going to happen
or how ill turn out
i just want to know so i can either keep trying or give up
because ide hate to waste all this effort on nothing

fear of the unknown

what i fear most is entering a dark room
and not knowing what im walking into
im afraid of shadows and silhouettes
im always afraid of turning on the light in my room
i will only walk into it once the light has been turned on

tonight i turned the light on in my room to get a few library books ive borrowed
to start on an assignment
only to see a woman standing in my room
it took me a complete 2 seconds to register
then i gave out this loud yelp
and jumped in fright
my heart pounded so hard as i tried to hide behind the wall
only to find out it was my dads thing
she was in my room waiting for jenny to fall asleep
and the minute i turned the light on in my room
i dunno why but she was just standing there
and to be honest i thought it was a ghost

im always scared of seeing ghost
and that if i did ive told myself time and time again
that ill try and act normal and pretend i dont see them
because if they dont know that i see them they wont do anything to me
because then i would be harmless to them and they could go on to what ever they were doing in the first place without worrying about who can see them
this logic comes from..
"if your home alone and youre being robbed, pretend to sleep and have no idea of whats going on because if they think youre asleep, you wont get in their way so why would they want to harm you? all they want to do is come and get what they want and leave."

so all in all
i dont ever want to see ghosts! EVER!
im really scared of going to sleep now
sometimes when i crawl into bed
im scared that something will reach out and touch me
like a lil kid in the corner just waiting for me
and my mind comes up with all these images of dead bodies
that i force myself to erase from my mind by thinking of school work
and then in the end i wont be able to go to sleep
because im either too afraid of supernatural things
or thinking about school work and how to manage my time

i can tell you about all the things im afraid of
but thats an extremely long list
and im sure that what im afraid of
most of you would be afraid of too
and the things we do
like tag teaming the lights
(always having a light on so it would never be dark)
eg. going to my room
have johnnys lights on,
turn on rumpus lights,
turn johnnys light off,
turn on hallway lights,
turn off rumpus lights,
turn on lights in my room,
turn off hallway lights,
turn off lights in my room and run underneath the covers

it might sound complicated but its necessary
and thats not really the routine i go through
going to the bathroom to brush my teeth goes in between all that light switching aswell

but yeh, i guess the funniest thing im scared of
is going to the toilet at night when everyone is asleep
and its embarrassing to explain
but i always get this feeling that someones hand is going to reach out from the toilet bowl and grab my arse
and i think this because i think of murdered victims
having their bodies dumped in the sewers
and they come back alive and try and reach for help
even though the only thing they can get there hand on is my arse =(

pine-o-clean

my brother loves his disinfectant wipes for some reason
you can always see a tub of them in his room
he uses it to clean everything
from the table, screens and the bathroom
and tonight whilst he was drinking milk and i was eating mandarines down stairs
he run up and brought down two pine-o-clean wipes to wipe the eggy feeling tiled kitchen floors
(because dad dropped two eggs on the floor the previous day)

anyways back to my point
this is how johnny wiped the floors
he placed the two towelettes on the floor
and with both of his feet
stepped on one each
and shuffled his feet forward, backwards and sideways
to wipe as much of the surface as he can
though it looked sufficient enough
it was just a lazy and johnny thing to do

thanking you kindly

ive already sent everyone individual text messages

saying thanks for everything

i really appreciate it 

but ill just like to give you guys a lil heads up that

i dont do surprises

or birthday celebrations

im a simple kid who likes to do simple things

and when i mean simple.. so simple that it requires you to do nothing

for birthdays sending a quick text message is all i need

honestly i dont expect anything else

just the fact that you remembered

and if youve forgotten

you can always redeem yourself by sending a quick message before the day has ended

i dont care much for material things

but overall you guys know that i love you guys

a lot actually.. but i really dont want to express anymore emotion

so i hope you guys can already 'sense' that

and well just leave it at that

and ill chew what i can

so all i want to say is thank you again 

but please dont ever do this again

because next time ill make it all awkward and not turn up on purpose

despite all the efforts you went through

and knowing me you know ill do that

btw it was very cute of you guys

to be willing to go vegetarian for me =)

makes me appreciate you lot even more

freedom

tonight marks the night of my last shift at work
i should be ecstatic and i was
though i was unable to express my emotions
because that is still something i have trouble with

my plan now is to be unemployed for a long while
until i figure out what i want to do next
now that i am free to do whatever i want
i am torn between playing useless games and homework
and i know what i should be doing but sometimes i get so tempted
and i dont even know why
i hate my brother for downloading gunbound again
im so ashamed of even saying this right now
i feel like the only person my age here playing it
its way worst that half life, wow or dota.. sigh

other than homework and games
im going to catch up on tv shows, movies and reading
and last but not least.. sleeping.. and a lot of it too
because no one is going to stop me from doing what i love most